Were Name: Background; Zenwolf Dirtyfoot

Phenotype: First off, "phenotype" refers to the combination of physical traits that you got from your parents… and secondly, I am a wolf.

Shifting Ability: Most times, any place, any animal, some individual humans. Who cares about all those arbitrary definitions?

Birthdate: April 26, 1985

Birthplace: some hospital in Baltimore

Home Territory: the forested edge of suburbia (ho hum)

Dream Territory: I seem to recall expansive mixed woodland with enough room to run between the trees without stumbling, and snowfall six months a year, and this thin creek near the edge of a field--and very few humans.

Physical Description, Human: about 5'9", dark brown buzzcut (short during summer, spiked during winter), medium build, eyes that are really yellow but are being momentarily hidden by typical humanish brown. I wear a lot of black and green, and lots of freshmen are afraid of me (don't know why). I am "moderately androgynous". Female.

Physical Description, Were: Medium-to-large, near black with little swirls of brown and grey here and there; or dusky grey without any brown; occasionally light brown all over.

Human Career: high school student looking at creative writing and/or animal behavior major, currently writing a whole bunch of little projects which I hope to Goddess may one day be published.

Hobbies/Interests: writing, drawing, poetry and spoken-word performance, volunteering at local wildlife sanctuary, spiritual/religious taste-testing, web design (duh), making comic strips.

Religion: Wiccan/Zen Buddhist/Taoist

Favorite Movies: Gladiator, the Godfather (1st one), The Craft, The Matrix, The Beastmaster, Beetlejuice

Favorite Were-movie: Wolf (Jack Nicholson)

Favorite Literature: fantasy, esp. Diane Duane's "The Book of Night with Moon", Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy, most of all "The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle (I *highly* recommend it)

Favorite Were Literature: "The Silver Wolf" (Alice Borchardt), "The Chronicles of the Cheysuli" series (Jennifer Roberson), "The Immortals" young adult quartet by Tamora Pierce

Favorite Art: anything that catches my eye--in the Moon, the sunsets, the way the tree branches twine about each other and the way incense smoke swirls up and vanishes…

Favorite Were-art: only nature's. Nobody else's has seemed all that fascinating to me.

Favorite Quote: "Nuclear bombs, fluorescent lights, burning witches at the stake, deciding animals have no emotions--only men could come up with such ideas." Lucy Ellmann

Favorite Were Saying/Quote: "In wildness is the preservation of the world" (Thoreau) added on to that quote is: "so seek the wolf within thyself!!!" (Metallica)

Favorite Personal Quote: "Grrr." … "Even angels have been known to fall." … And of course, my all-time favorite, "(various grunting noises inserted here)"

Favorite Song/Band(s): Metallica, Pink Floyd, Loreena McKennitt, Enya, Matchbox 20, Clannad, Steppenwolf's "Born to be Wild"

Favorite Season: autumn

Favorite Holidays: Samhain and Christmas

Preferred Prey: in my mind, rabbits--in the physical world, anything vegetarian.

Hunting Tips: Keep your nose low, your eyes raised, your ears pricked and your soul free

Preferred Method of Attack: Hesitation is a guaranteed failure. Pause not to consider. Search and destroy. Even if it was on someone else's plate a moment ago, it's in your stomach now, so HA!

Favorite Non-Were Mythological Beast: dragons, unicorns. They *are* real. Are you?

Feelings Toward Vampires: whaddaya mean? real vampires or those of the Buffy variety?

Feelings Toward Normal Humans: Approach with caution. Always have at least two escape routes. Keep one eye firmly fixed on their auras, ready to detect sudden changes. They can be friendly, but constantly question their motives as well as your own. Ignore their generally egocentric behavior, for we do well to remember that animals share in this trait to a certain degree. Forgive their ignorance, and try to correct that ignorance whenever possible; remember that you are of them, but they are not of you. Fear them, perhaps; hate them at times; laugh at them when appropriate; but try always to accept them, for they are alive as surely as that deer whose flesh you have your eye on. And when they are dead or otherwise gone from your life, honor them as you would the deer that feeds you--and, just as with the deer, move on and forget, but allow yourself to be changed for the greater.

Personal Therianthropy: All therianthropy is personal. No exceptions.

So being a wolf isn't all fun, games, and self-defeating pathos. Truth is, if I want my friends to finally respect me for the endangered predator I am, I must first tell them that I am, in fact, an endangered predator. If I want understanding from my parents, I have to help them to understand the root of my situation. But I've been so wrapped up in secrecy and half-truths and imaginary dangers that I've confused myself about what exactly the root of my situation is. So here's the recap:

I am not a happy-go-lucky, prance with the nearest "pack", tra-la-la without a care or a thought, mouse-eating puppy. Nor am I a vengeful, violent, brooding, rabid-eyed human killer always on the scent of some wide-eyed, velvet-skinned Bambi lunchable. I am not part of a group, though I wish like hell that I were.

I am a lean, quadrupedal, swift-footed, nocturnal, furry, adventurous, determined animal with an amazing sense of smell and a taste for the novel. I am large, loving, and usually sensible; I love to explore new places and things on (bare) foot. I love the cold and cannot tolerate the heat. I love having friends but, for some reason, I do not attract many.

Unfortunately, I am rather stuck in an asthmatic, weak-jointed, bipedal body with very little hair and almost no sense of smell. In the dark, I am nearly blind. Running is very hard for me to do because of the asthma and densely-boned build. I am not permitted to engage in natural activity because it is, to primates, unnatural. This is my plight.

But that's about it, so it could be much worse.

Lupine-flavored instincts rise up in me on and off throughout the day. Sometimes I let them out; there are no happier times for me than when I am running on feet and hands (very awkward, I assure you) at twilight, in the grass, in the woods, with either my two dogs or my neighbor's two dogs. Especially when the fireflies come out and the Moon is there and the sky is kind of blue and kind of purple. I know how to shove those instincts away when the timing is poor. I do this far too often.

A sense of separation from those around me springs up all the time, as it has for most of my life. I never understood, as a child, why none of my friends wanted to howl with me (except for Leah, who loved dogs as much as I did). I still don't get why, when I'm outside with people at Night, they don't want to run when the whole damn world is just *calling* me into it! Nobody else seems to hear the crickets or the dark winds in the trees. Nobody else seems to realize that the meadow is waiting for someone to walk in it.

So I don't have much human company. I haven't got many friends--four real ones, but that's it. And three of them live out of state.

I'm not definable as a wolf, or as a human-and-wolf. I'm just me, and I'm sort of like a human, and sort of like a wolf. I can shift into more humanlike or more wolflike mindsets and "bodily identities". But I could not really fit in with either group. I'm pretty much on my own, along with every other therian in the world. Paradoxical--sure, I guess so, but that's basically it.

Background
July 24, 2002

My Werecode

W[wolf]ms4wb+++:++A++I-H+T-W*+++FN++Ed++++C+NkcRLU-s a-C++hb++:+g+re-w++h*i+++ p+++++su

Wish Survey

I wish I had independence.

I wish I was the natural, unaltered, undeluded me.

I wish I could fly.

My name is not all that important.

I may seem antisocial, angry at the world, spastic, dorky, bipolar.

But I'm really an introverted, lonely, awkward, lycanthropic individualist.

People who know me think I'm headstrong, sarcastic, funny, morbid, untouched by popular opinion.

If you knew me you'd probably want to hang out with me in the woods.

Sometimes I feel trapped.

In the morning I rub my eyes a lot, take a pee, and either sit zazen or do the sun salutation.

I like to sleep outside or on the floor.

If I could be doing anything right now I would be flying or sleeping. I can't decide.

Money is useful.

One thing I wish I had is the body of a wolf.

One thing I have that I wish I didn't is obligation--a lot of obligation.

All I need is a wild place, with trees, and readily accessible food and water.

Something I want but don't really need is a Harley-Davidson.

Something I need but don't really want is a college education.

I live for lazing outside during the day and running around outside at Night.

I dare you all to turn off the computer and get your arse outside!